271: Working Through the “Roommate Phase" with Postpartum Therapist Melissa Fairhurst

Nov 20

In this episode, I sit down with Melissa Fairhurst, a postpartum therapist and maternal mental health expert, to discuss the various challenges new parents can encounter with each other during the postpartum phase and ways to work through this overwhelming time. Melissa shares how her own postpartum experiences have informed her work, what the “roommate phase” is and why it feels so permanent when you’re in it, and how these unexpected moments of disconnect can arise with your partner. We also discuss the unspoken expectations we have about our partners before the baby arrives and how that can set us up for resentment, how it’s imperative to accept that the non-birthing partner can’t fully understand the birthing partner’s experience, and why it’s essential to normalize couple’s therapy. Melissa shares tips for communicating your needs to your partner, why it’s important not to let resentments fester, and why “I” statements are more effective than “you” statements. Finally, we discuss the importance of setting yourself up for support before the baby arrives, and ways you can try to prioritize fun to reconnect as a couple.

Key Takeaway / Points:

Melissa’s work as a postpartum therapist and how her own postpartum experiences inform her work
On the usage of the term “roommate phase” and why it feels so permanent when you are in it
On the unexpected moments of disconnect that arise with your partner when you become new parents
On the expectations we have of our partners before our baby arrives
On accepting that the non-birthing partner will never fully understand what the birthing partner is going through
On the need for normalizing couples therapy
On the necessity of communication with your partner about needs, expectations, and why it’s essential to not let resentments fester
The power of speaking in “I” statements
On rebuilding emotional intimacy as new parents
On setting yourself up with support and resources before your baby arrives
On the absence of support for mothers in society
On prioritizing fun as a couple and strategies to reconnect

This episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct, or indirect financial interest in products, or services referred to in this episode.

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