Why we Chose to Work with a Doula & my Second Trimester Approach to Pregnancy

In this blog post I want to share more information regarding our decision to hire a doula and the overall way I have been working through this pregnancy in my second trimester. Although this is clear, I always want to state: I am not a medical professional and am simply sharing my journey and experience. Also, I obviously have not given birth yet so I am sure I will have much more insight/opinions on the doula experience and will be sure to update this post, or write a new one, when that time comes.

Let’s start with the basics, what is a doula? There are different types of doulas (fertility, prenatal, delivery, postpartum, etc), but they are generally women focused on supporting and providing guidance to women and families during the pregnancy, delivery, and after birth. Unlike midwives, who have medical training and are health care professionals, doulas are not medically trained to deliver babies. While doulas typically offer guidance in the “holistic wellness” spectrum, I think there is a misconception that they are only hired by those interested in home or water births (both of which I am not interested in, personally). So, why did we decide to work with a doula during this pregnancy? Let’s dive into some of my personal opinions re everything pregnancy to really walk you through it all.

In years past, when I was my incredibly Type-A, perfectionist, my way or the highway type person, I wanted as much information as humanly possible before making any type of decision (small or large). The incessant research, analysis, and comparison gave me a (false) sense of “control” that, at the time, I thought was helping my anxiety. What I’ve realized over the past few years, of which involved a shitload of growth and evolvement, is that this incessant need and desire for more information made me, in fact, more anxious. While it provided a quick hit of “control”, the options, continued unknown, and now abundancy of ideas/thoughts/beliefs actually overwhelmed me more. I quickly came to realize that endless google searches were in fact hurting me more than they were helping me. Plus, with this, I learned something incredibly important: the ability to trust myself and the universe. To give up control and the incredibly tight grip I had on the world and the need to be perfect. It sure as hell wasn’t serving me in any type of positive way. 

Why am I sharing all this? Because it is incredibly tied into my approach regarding all thing’s pregnancy and, even more so, our decision to hire a doula. When I found out I was pregnant, I was utterly shocked (as you all know). Suddenly, I had 10,000 questions and felt incredibly unprepared. How the hell was I supposed to know what to do, when to do it, and how to do anything when it came to pregnancy or motherhood. In years past, I would have immediately gone into my former “the more information is better – take control!!” mindset and spent hours on google, ordered as many books as I could’ve gotten my hands on, and followed over a thousand mom bloggers. I’m not saying any of those actions are wrong, because being informed and educated is obviously a good thing and many people thrive with more information. But, based on my track record and the reflection I’ve done over the years, I knew this would hurt me more than help me. Instead, I decided to put my trust in the universe, my doctors, and the trained professionals and find comfort in the fact that I would figure it out. (As I type this I’m still trying to remind myself of this all during my incredibly emotional days spent terrified of motherhood). Fortunately, I love my OBGYN and felt confident in the fact that if I needed to know something, she would tell me.

Some of you may be thinking “maybe this is why Cameron’s content is so ‘why did no one tell me any of this!?’ when it comes to pregnancy. Did she do her research??”. You’re not wrong. Cause, in reality, no, I didn’t. But I’m weirdly okay with that and find comfort in it? I know this may not make sense to many of you, but I continue to remind myself that women have done this for centuries without a hundredth of the information we have now. For me, the constant tracking, obsession, or rabbit hole researching would not positively impact my mental health, and that is one of my top priorities.

So now this leads us to our doula. I am all for figuring things out as they happen when it comes to pregnancy, but I do feel I need to be a bit more informed and educated going into that delivery room. Hell, I still am at a loss for how a child is supposed to fit out of my vagina. Again, instead of turning to the wild beast that is the internet and, surely, terrifying myself, I wanted to find someone who is experienced in this field, educated on the topic, and supportive of my journey to help educate me. For me, this looked like a doula. So, what were we looking for on our doula search? Most importantly, we wanted to “vibe” with this person. This is totally individualized and not something I can provide people answers to, because we’re all different, but I needed to find someone that Joe and I connected with and could be our true, honest, selves around. Secondly, it was a priority to find a doula that agreed with our belief in the combination of Western and Eastern medicine. Do I meditate daily and believe in essential oils? Yes. However, am I 100% set on giving birth in a hospital, want an epidural, and will have a C-section if that is what needs to happen to deliver a healthy baby? 100% yes as well. Having a doula that agreed with our beliefs and was not going to judge our decisions was critical to me. Also, given that I am currently on Zoloft while pregnant, I wanted a doula that also believed in putting my mental health first.

When it came to Covid-19 regulations, we wanted a doula that was able to be there in person for the delivery alongside us coaching us along the way. Again, while I absolutely love my OBGYN, I realize it is unrealistic to think she will be with us in the hospital room the entire time we are there and also that she has one primary focus: getting that baby out. I wanted someone who would be by our side through all of it and helping with encouragement, information, and methods that we’ve practiced going into the delivery. I also, personally, feel incredibly overwhelmed when it comes to medical situations and want someone who is there to act as somewhat of a translator for me assisting me in the navigation of important decisions as this is my first time going through it all. Lastly, we also wanted a doula who offered postpartum doula services. Given that we are night hiring a night nurse, I wanted to have a relationship with a professional to assist me with acclimating to motherhood and all of the struggles that come with the fourth trimester (obviously, more on that to come at a later point). After doing research for doula services within NYC, we decided to go with Mama Glow. When we feel comfortable sharing, I will provide more information regarding the actual doula we are working with.

While I know my approach to pregnancy is not for everyone, I hope in some way this provided comfort to any pregnant women out there who are navigating this. For me, this trust in the professionals, but most importantly myself, has provided me with a pregnancy I never could’ve imagined from a mental health standpoint and is something I am excited to hopefully continue as I enter motherhood and learn alongside our son.